How falling out of love with him made me fall in love with myself
It was January 3rd, 2014 when I first met him. I remember watching him and his electric personality all night, hoping that maybe he would notice this timid 16-year-old girl. I craved his attention, I don’t know what drew me to him. Maybe it was because he was older or because I knew nothing about him, but whatever it was I couldn’t ignore it.
Fast forward a few months, countless phone calls and texts, many dates, kisses and amazing memories and I found myself completely madly in love with this guy. Everyone warns you about your first love. They are different than anyone else. It was the first time I ever felt my breathing quicken and my heart skip a beat when I was the in the presence of another person. It was the first time I ever woke up happy knowing that I would get to talk to him that day, excited to tell him every detail of my day and hear every detail of his. It was the first time that I felt like my happiness revolved around another person.
Sixteen is a very romanticized age, but for good reasons. Sixteen is a time of self discovery. You should be discovering and enjoying your passions and creating friendships to get you through the brutal high school time period. Sixteen is a time to be selfish and put yourself first. I did quite the opposite.
Young love is powerful and it completely consumed me. I didn’t take the time to get to know myself, I spent two years of my teenage life getting to know someone else and making myself fit to them like a puzzle piece the best that I could. Now, loving someone and wanting to make them happy is an amazing thing and I hope everyone has the chance to feel true love, but when you lose contact with your life long best friends, when someone asks what your hobby is and you don’t have an answer, or when you stop living in the moment and only plan for the future, that’s not true love.
It was January 3rd, 2016 when I worked up enough courage to leave my safe haven that was a serious two-year long relationship. We had an entire life together. We lived together, had the same friends, had a dog, and were extremely connected to each other’s families. Making the decision to leave that all behind and start completely over, on my own felt like one of the most selfish and terrifying things that I would ever do.
It has been almost six months since I made that decision. In those two years of being with him I thought that I was the happiest I could ever be, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. I now live on my own in the city in the cutest little one-bedroom apartment, I have an amazing job, I have reconnected with my best friends and have built even stronger bonds. I wake up in the morning, make myself a coffee, dance around in my underwear and am just truly, undeniably, ridiculously, happy.
I have got to know myself on such a deep level these past few months. I have realized that I don’t need a five-year plan to feel in control. I’ve learned to be spontaneous and I have learned that I don’t need another person to make me happy. I am in control of my own happiness and that may be the most liberating feeling I can have.
I do not regret my relationship for one minute, we made many great memories and he taught me a lot about myself and love. I am very grateful for him and we will always have a connection because he was that first, crazy, love of mine. Falling out of love with him has given me the strongest, truest, love I could ask for, a love for myself.
I am sure many of you can relate to my story whether you’re older or younger, male or female. I want to share with you all my life after falling in love with myself. I will continue to share posts of my trials and tribulations of being a young single girl in the city. I’ll share everything from Tinder nightmares, to learning to cook for one, to stories of me just trying to make it through life. You’ll witness me fail, hopefully succeed, maybe fall in love, and most importantly just me learning to be genuinely happy with my life. I hope my stories make you laugh, maybe cry, and definitely smile.