Mastering grandpa fashion

It all started at thrift shop when I was in ninth grade. I was sifting through the racks when I saw it calling to me like it had the wisdom of 10,000 grandpas to share with me. The sweater was big, burgundy and covered with a grey Fleur de Lys pattern. It was a find that would make Macklemore proud.

There was no way I could leave the store without this six dollar gem, so I took it home for a wash and immediately began wearing it around. It was this day that began my obsession with grandpa fashion. There is something about hiking up my pants past my belly button and throwing on a pair of penny loafers that just feels right. Perhaps this is who I am at heart: an aging pensioner trapped inside the body of an eighteen year old student.

Here are a few of my favourite grandpa looks that I have mastered over the years.  

Look one: 

The key to this first look is the combination of a fuzzy cardigan and your favourite collared button-down shirt. It doesn’t matter that it is summer – grandpas are always cold, so wearing a wooly cardigan and beanie make you look more authentic. Another vital detail is the glasses. Thankfully, I actually need glasses and have an assortment of cheap grandpa-esque frames to help me see. For all you basic hipsters out there, fake glasses with plastic lenses are always an option.

Look two:

For this second outfit I opted for a lighter cardigan so that I could rock the I’m-cold-and-it’s-26-degrees look more easily. Don’t let my face fool you; the heat was starting to get to me. If you look closely you can see my turtle neck poking out. As for the headgear, I settled for the standard yankees baseball cap, but props to you if you can find a vintage hat stamped with the logo of a team that no longer exists.

Look three:

This sweater is seriously big. The thick knit and muted colours compliment my eternal grumpy disposition. Try sitting on your front porch reading Chomsky, Satre, or Fanon, grumbling at those good-for-nothing young’ins who walk past. Take note of the glasses halfway down my nose. A grandpa never reads anything without a constant expression of shock or disapproval plastered across his face. Finally, mastering the get-off-my-lawn stare can be difficult but definitely rewarding.

Here is a photo of my one true inspiration, Jiroemon Kimura, the only man to live to the age of 116.