The truth about cereal mascots

Walking down the cereal aisle is an exciting feat. There are so many sugary choices that can make your mouth water with nostalgia for your childhood. The faces that line the aisle are familiar: Toucan Sam, Cap’n Crunch, Lucky the Leprechaun, Tony the Tiger, Count Chocula, Snap Crackle and Pop. Even Buzz the Cheerios bee is staring back at you.

There are a multitude of intriguing choices. Corn, wheat, rice, and oats modified into dried goodness, best complemented by milk. Take Froot Loops for example, fruity O-shaped bites with little nutritional value, and heaps of sugar, what else could a child ask for? It’s basically dessert for breakfast!

After a while, a sense of unease may grow as you continue to look at box after box of breakfast delight. Could it be Toucan Sam’s floating feathers? Or Tony the Tiger’s constant thumbs up (tigers don’t even have opposable thumbs!) or his dubiously excited grin? Maybe it’s just the fact that Lucky the Leprechaun looks like he may have just killed a man… As creepy as overexcited mascots may be, that is not the only problem.

Something is missing, and it’s hard to put your finger on it at first. But then you realize. Where are the girls?

After seeing cereal box after cereal box with male mascots and no sign of change to come in the near future, it is clear that this is a serial offense. What we, the revolutionaries, need to do is take a stand. We need to inform the cereal consuming masses of this inequality before it’s too late. Before the patriarchy devours every inch of our lives – penetrating the masses one kitchen at a time.

Now, you may be wondering what you can do to help. Next time you are in the grocery store bring sticky notes with murmurs of unjust representation and the patriarchy – bring a lot – and stick them on every mascot ridden cereal box in the store. Hide them among the oatmeal and the granola so that when the staff comes to quell your sticky-note revolution, they leave a few behind for unassuming people to see.

Stand on street corners handing out pamphlets, yelling through megaphones and stomping on cereal boxes (make sure to recycle them after)!

And for all you entrepreneurs out there – we all know what the cereal market needs.

Now that you know the truth, what will you do?